Do vagina's smell?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
