Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
