Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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