When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
