this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
