Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
