I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
