i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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