he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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