if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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