I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am available for nakedness
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
