I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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