Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
