and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
