never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
