I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
