I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
