I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
