no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
