There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
