i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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