no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
