My nipple is on Facebook.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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