yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
