Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
even my farts smell like vagina
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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