All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
