My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
