I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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