What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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