i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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