My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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