It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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