Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
