guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
