I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
