It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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