I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize