I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
