i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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