What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
