You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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