He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
