The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
