i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
