It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
