Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
