I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
