I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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