That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
