btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
