Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
