I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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