If i come over, it means nothing
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize