She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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