I love black thongs
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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