I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
