how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
