I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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