ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize