if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
