yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we're so committed to being not committed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
