I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
