Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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