it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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