i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
